I'm a Blogger Now!

Hey, look at me, everybody. I have a blog! Yes, now, whatever thought wanders into my head can be shared with the world, with no filter stronger than having to invent a screenname no one else is using. I can now pretend to be a reporter or a political commentator, because here in America, skills and education are not nearly as valuable as being OUTRAGEOUS!

All these years, I have submitted my writing to editors, fool that I was, and let them reject me for being not good enough, not ready for the public eye, when all along, I could just spew. No more revision for me! No more careful copyediting, no more vetting, no more reaching for high standards. I am a blogger now. If my dog steps on the keyboard, out it goes into cyberspace. The people of the world want to know. Thanks to cell phones and dishwashers, they have all this free time, and what better way to use it that to read my thoughts on the characters of a television show. Of course, now that I am a blogger, I need to start thinking the characters in TV shows are real people.

As a blogger, I will use links to other blogs as research. I will present rumor as fact, possibly because I won't be able to tell the difference anymore. And I will become fascinated by dead eyed starlets and Paris Hilton. I will use a condescending tone to indicate that I know more than other people instead of credentials. I will go into great detail about the guy standing behind me in line at Starbucks when I run out of things to say, and I will steal from other people's blogs.

I will have to think I am funnier than I really am. I will post my high school angst poems and I will tell you all about my fight with my BFF, because as a blogger, I already know you care.

Yes, I am a blogger. I may be self absorbed, ill informed, and generally useless, but if I get a high enough hit count, I might get a book deal. Yes, I am a blogger. Be afraid.