Saturday, October 18, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen, or Matt and Melissa, the only readers of my blog, I have two Huge announcements:

1. I have found my political family at the Cato Institute, through John Stossel of 20/20, the only intelligent reporter I have ever heard or known of. I am, apparently, a market liberal. That's what the Cato people call themselves. Go to their website and read

Seriously, I went through their articles, and couldn't disagree with any. Yes, Obama proposes socialized medicine. Yes, McCain's health care plan would actually help people get insurance.

2. I am leaving Monday to drive Grandma's car to Utah. I will be in Utah on Wednesday night, and I'll fly back to Georgia on the following Monday. Arrange your calendars accordingly.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Obama and Da Bling

How is it possible that the tide of the current election is swinging in Obama's favor based on the stupid Americans and their belief that he has better solutions to the economic crisis? To be clear, the current polling trends show that Americans believe Obama to be the stronger candidate on the economy, and that as the economy becomes their number one concern, they are turning to him.

Here's just one:

Of course, the case of the current economic crisis, sub prime lending and the epidemic of foreclosures that resulted are the cause of all our problems. Most economic situations don't break down so simply. This one does. Bad loans were made to people who didn't qualify, loans so preposterous in their design that they must fail, balloon loans, ARMs, 100% financing. Those bad mortgages were then allowed to be sold as securities due to a 1999 deregulation sponsored by Clinton and Senator Phil Graham and Obama's economic advisor, Robert Rubin. Was that smart? Not if mortgages are unstable investments, which they aren't, when they are hard to get.

Increased imports from China had kept prices unnaturally low on goods, keeping inflation artificially low, while investors and house flipping had driven housing prices up unnaturally high. But we have not yet made a crisis. We've only set the stage for one. If lending regulations had gone into place, fewer people would have been able to buy homes, and fewer people would now be defaulting on their loans.

So here in this witches brew is disaster in the making, and who made certain that disaster happened? Democrats. And did so in a way that would lead smart people to immediately oust them from office. I'm not a fan of youtube, but I am going to make an exception for footage from one of several attempts to regulate Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae. Not four years ago, Democrats insisted that Freddie and Fannie were fine. We know they were not fine.

Rep. Gregory Meeks in particular makes me want to vomit. I'd like to believe he's stupid instead of crooked. But he's still in office. So the people of New York, I blame you.

I understand the motivation of those senators. Freddie and Fannie made more home loans to minorities than ever before. This is a worthy cause, when it lines up under the auspices of non discriminatory lending. But what is has turned into is a 700 billion dollar bailout, a world wide recession that will last for years, and a whole lot of minorities tossed out of their homes.

Thinking something ought to be true does not make it true. People ought to have homes, all people, of every race, creed, and color. But if they can't pay for them, and have demonstrated this by not paying the bills they have had in the past, then they can't buy a house. This is the truth that Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae ignored, with great determination and the support of Democrats, including, and notably Barrack Obama.

You see, Republicans are rich people. And people get rich by keeping businesses going, usually by getting people to pay them back the money they lend them. Repubicans are Republicans because they know money. Democrats are Democrats because they care about poor people. Republicans will let people die in the streets. Democrats will give everything you have to the poor.

Let me be clear. I am completely non partisan. I hate both political parties with a fervor I usually reserve for child rapists. I have no desire to come to the defense of anyone. But this blatant American stupidity is more odious to me than the parties. Americans, get your collective heads out of your collective asses.

Vote for Obama if you like his positions on abortion, gun control, or Iraq. If you care about immigration, don't bother. Both platforms are identical. But if the motivating factor for you is the economy, sorry. It has to be McCain. Any thing else is just pure idiocy.

Monday, October 6, 2008

A Pint, the Loo, and My Aunt Fanny

I would like to say a few words on behalf of British accents. I support British accents. I can't get enough of them. I'd like a presidental candidate to promise me more, like jobs or tax breaks for llama ranchers. They have a practical value: how else would we be able to tell Brits from just your run of the mill Canadian?

To say that a British accent is sexy understates the true attractive power of the phrases “bloody ‘ell” or “Pub” or “flat.” British men can get away with an unprecedented level of scrawniness thanks to the accent. Sadly, the majority of opportunities to listen to a British accent come via old BBC sit-coms that PBS shows late at night: Chef, Coupling, or the one with the Irish priests. But to hear those Irish digging around in their mouths to produce each word—it sounds like it takes a great deal of effort for them to talk, but it reaches right down my ear into sensitive physiological centers of arousal.

One mustn’t neglect to mention that one draw back of a British accent is the inability to distinguish strait from gay. Plus there’s the fact that a Brit saying caddish things, things that say, a Brooklyn accent would render scummy, nay, instantly dismissible, but in the Brit’s mouth are charming. Phrases like, "Care for a shag?" or "You're a beastly slapper." Mmm.

Yes, British accents are wonderful things.

I'm a Blogger Now!

Hey, look at me, everybody. I have a blog! Yes, now, whatever thought wanders into my head can be shared with the world, with no filter stronger than having to invent a screenname no one else is using. I can now pretend to be a reporter or a political commentator, because here in America, skills and education are not nearly as valuable as being OUTRAGEOUS!

All these years, I have submitted my writing to editors, fool that I was, and let them reject me for being not good enough, not ready for the public eye, when all along, I could just spew. No more revision for me! No more careful copyediting, no more vetting, no more reaching for high standards. I am a blogger now. If my dog steps on the keyboard, out it goes into cyberspace. The people of the world want to know. Thanks to cell phones and dishwashers, they have all this free time, and what better way to use it that to read my thoughts on the characters of a television show. Of course, now that I am a blogger, I need to start thinking the characters in TV shows are real people.

As a blogger, I will use links to other blogs as research. I will present rumor as fact, possibly because I won't be able to tell the difference anymore. And I will become fascinated by dead eyed starlets and Paris Hilton. I will use a condescending tone to indicate that I know more than other people instead of credentials. I will go into great detail about the guy standing behind me in line at Starbucks when I run out of things to say, and I will steal from other people's blogs.

I will have to think I am funnier than I really am. I will post my high school angst poems and I will tell you all about my fight with my BFF, because as a blogger, I already know you care.

Yes, I am a blogger. I may be self absorbed, ill informed, and generally useless, but if I get a high enough hit count, I might get a book deal. Yes, I am a blogger. Be afraid.